MzKitty :unscripted:

I’m going on a date tomorrow

Insomnia sucks. It’s no fun struggling to sleep every single night. I’ve dealt with insomnia ever since High school. It’s even harder when you live with someone. Struggling to sleep, but trying to keep still and quiet so that the other person isn’t disturbed. It’s really not a fun situation. It’s hard to make the other person understand especially if they fall asleep naturally in under 15 minutes. Trying to explain how my body feels like it’s going to spasm, I get upset, I feel like crying, I toss and turn, and I stress big time, and just how it’s impossible to hit the off button on my mind. It’s not always my mind that keeps me up. I can be dead tired and ready to crash, but as soon as I lay down, I feel very restless. So lemme say how GOOD it was to be put on Ambien. I finally fell asleep w/o struggle. I didn’t agonize at night. I slept the ENTIRE night through. I could actually lay in bed next to my girlfriend, and fall asleep holding her close to me w/o the need to toss and turn constantly. I’d wake up feeling great. I was like yes…. I have this fragment of my life back!

Then I ran out………………….. Ugh I won’t even get into all of it, but one thing about Ambien… it’s a very powerful drug. It’s very addictive to some. It’s very expensive. Getting refills of this medicine is near impossible. Getting refills through the mail order company we go through is even beyond impossible. Claims had to be filed, Phone calls were made back and forth, months went by. I went w/o the meds for almost 2 months. I had some thanks to Kris, but there were many days where I didn’t take anything in fear that I’d run out and be screwed til who knows when. so I’d try over the counter meds. Those do nothing but make me feel even more restless. Lunesta does nothing but make everything taste like poop the next day. Restoril did nothing but give me HORRIBLE dreams. Ambien is the only one that works w/o ever letting me down. Providing I take a few days off from taking it here and there. Mainly on weekends, unless I know that I have to be up early for whatever reason.

Stress…agony..anger…..worry…fear…………is all behind me at last because I FINALLY got approved for a FULL YEAR of refills for the Ambien. I placed the order today for my 3 month supply. I got the confirmation when I checked my email upon returning home tomorrow. Ship date is April 2nd. Of course I still worry that something will go wrong, but I think I can finally breathe a sigh of relief and know that for the next 3 months I am going to sleep. I am going to continue to sleep.

YAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Adding to the list of yayness, tomorrow is Friday, Casual Friday finally, AND pay day! And Saturday me and my love are going to the zoo! Yay for good things

I totally rock when it comes to broiling steak. It’s one of the few things I’m confident in preparing. Aside from doing things on the grill anyway. I had such a good meal. Happy belly! Yay. I rock!

Or a list…which ever…

1. Due to trying to save our relationship, Kris moved back to her mom’s for a while. So… I’m back to living alone.

It sucks. But if it’ll give us the shot that we need then… that along with other things we plan on trying, I’m willing to do anything.

2. I’m back in a slump and need to get out of it. The apartment won’t clean itself. I just don’t do the living alone thing very well.

3. I didn’t go to work today because I wasn’t feeling good,and I was too mentally exhausted. I did nothing but cry all day yesterday. I wonder how many calories I burned?

4. Tv is very boring on Monday.

5. I’ve got a dentist appointment tomorrow. Pain..here I come.. I’m already wincing….

6. My life is really..really.. REALLY boring!

7. I miss her…. a lot.

The end.

I think all of the smokers should go off to their own planet so that the rest of us can breathe fresh air, and not have to risk second hand smoke causing cancer. I am SO sick and tired of not being able to breathe fresh air in my own home. This is getting beyond ridiculous. All of the windows are shut, the door stays shut. We NEVER leave anything open. Our next door neighbors smoke like a chimney. ALL of the time. Every now and then I get a strong whiff of the crap and it makes me so sick to my stomach. That is such a horrible smell that is impossible to ignore. So yeah all of the smokers who don’t care about the lives of others can just go live together and breathe the pollution until they die. I’m dreading the summer time. It will be SO hot in here, we will have to have the door and windows open. So I better get used to the smoke and make the best of it. WTF is there a “best of it”???? Well it’s my attempt at not being overcome by negativity. Well there just isn’t anything positive about cigarette smoke. *gag* *choke*