MzKitty :unscripted:

So I finally changed the layout. Nope, it’s not one I made. I’m having no luck in that department. I was browsing around and saw this layout. OMG I think I’m in love! This one will be up for a while, and I think I’ll try to create a few header graphics, and swap ‘em out. But for now I really like this one. The colors especially. I need to find a layout for Whimsical Cats. I have a couple of ideas for a layout though. Something inspirational while she recovers from surgery. BTW it went fine. The surgeon was quite pleased. She was released from the hospital today. It’s going to be a painfully rough road for my Love, but it will get easier as the days go by. I’m determined to keep positivity and hope thriving here at home. So I’m going to try to create something for our site too. I honestly don’t know when she’s going to feel like being online again. The incision was done on her stomach (even tho they fused her spine) so she won’t be propping her laptop on her belly anytime soon. I am however going to look for a tray that she can put over her belly while she’s in bed, that way she can either be on her computer, or work on a puzzle in one of her puzzle books, or read a book, whatever. I bought her a bunch of puzzle books a couple weeks ago. TONS of them! the box was sitting by our front door when I got home from the hospital a few nights ago, I was in shock for one because it was supposed to take 6-8 weeks for delivery but it took like a little bit over a week. So yay for that! She loves those puzzle books. I’m happy they came so fast. I hope she’ll feel up to working on them soon. I hate seeing her in so much pain. It breaks my heart. But at least the surgery is DONE! I’m doing everything I can to make her as comfy as possible. I’m so afraid to hug her and snuggle because I don’t want to put pressure on the incision area. But I miss our snuggle time. It felt great to lay next to her, my head resting  on her just a little bit, while we watched an episode of The L Word tonight. I’m feeling uneasy about bedtime tonight tho. In my sleep I wrap my arms around her and sometimes squeeze tight. I have a feeling I’m going to wake myself up a bunch of times in fear of hurting her. I guess we’ll see how the night goes, if it’s too hard then I may just have to sleep on the couch for a while. *sigh*. Ok………….. time to make my rounds and check on her. Later all!

Get your own valentinr

Well here it is after midnight. I’m still awake and totally bored. My severe insomnia that I’ve dealt with for years upon years has been almost impossible to deal with. I was put on sleeping pills and long story short I have no more. I won’t have any til at least the end of this month. So I go back to trying to fall asleep on my own and it’s a stressful nightmare. It’s emotionally frustrating too. I am so tired and miss having a good night of sleep. I used to be able to take benadryl but that wore off after taking it for years. Since I have nothing else for the time being I took some a few minutes ago. I’m hoping it’s enough to help me get some MUCH needed rest.

i had a bunch of other stuff typed up but I deleted it all. Nothing more than me wasting time typing about how I don’t have enough to keep me interested long enough online. I need hobbies, and to get a longer attention span back. But..who cares… i’m just tired so it’s coming out through my typing.

Meh.. i’ll close this up and lay here for a while and see what happens. Maybe I’ll crawl in bed. Maybe not. I’d probably toss and turn again anyway. Yeah that’s really fair to Kris. None of this is fair to her. My insomnia isn’t fair. I wish I could just make myself not let it be an issue… but it’s been an issue for most of my life. Just like my negativity it’s hard to shake it. Issues.. I have too many of those. And I think in the end the whole point of this post is to bitch about that.

I wonder how I’ve managed to have a single relationship with all the issues I have. I just hope that Kris doesn’t get tired of said issues and finally decides that she doesn’t wanna deal with it anymore. I cause a lot of problems in our relationship and sometimes that scares me. Will I ever be problem free?

I am so stressed out.