MzKitty :unscripted:

Who can direct me to a link for this? Thanks in advance

Ya wanna know what’s awesome? Dropping 2, almost 3 sizes in pants! For a while I was seriously worrying about my weight issues. Something I really won’t ever talk about cuz…I’d like to keep that off the net! But truth be told for a while less than a year ago I was almost in a sz 20. That is very unswallowable for me. I was VERY petite growing up (born at 7months) so I was always tiny. But when I turned 14 and started 8th grade my weight started to go all over the place. So I had to endure problems with my mom for years. She couldn’t imagine her daughter going from a size 6/8 to a size 9 let alone the double digits. She swore she’d never buy me jeans that were a size 10 or more. I would have to lose weight if I wanted new clothes. The years when by, and in high school my weight wasn’t too bad. I was in between single and double digits, but I liked wearing pants that were a bit baggier. My mom hated this, but in the end gave in and bought me what I wanted, sure to let me know how much she did not approve and how disgusted she was at the way I was letting myself go. Blah whatever. I used to wish I was strong enough to be anorexic. i knew I’d never be able to make myself throw up my food, so I tried to stop eating. I urged myself to give up on hunger. to not let it affect me, I wanted SO bad to be the type of girl who didn’t want or need to eat. But that was a never ending losing battle. So I honestly dealt, I accepted my weighty flaws, and didn’t care. I wasn’t obsessive, unless it came time to toss out old clothes, I’d try on old jeans,shorts,skirts,and feel so crushed knowing they didn’t fit. I hated feeling fat. I went through so many different emotions for a long time, even after high school. I felt rebellious. My mom hated the mere thought of me becoming overweight, so I challenged it, I made myself become fatter. I wanted to piss her off. But I also wanted to show her that thin or thick, you can still be loved just the same. And I was loved. But of course….shopping was harder and harder, I’d go home for vacation, we’d go shopping, I was in a size 16 just barely and she tried to put me in size 12 jeans. Uh-uh. Not gonna happen. I felt so disgusted by her. and I felt like I failed her. As much as I rebelled against that, I hated how I felt. I wanted to look and feel good. I wanted confidence in whatever I wanted to wear. Well………………..within the past couple years, a lot of depression and the loss of caring about myself, my health began to suffer for it, and I put on more weight. Before I knew it I was almost 210, wearing a tight size 18, but determined to not get into a size 20. I woulda died literally if I went up another size. So…………………………………zoom in on now….. We went shopping at Old Navy over the weekend. I love that store……………………………but I am so proud to say that I do NOT wear a size 20, or an 18, and knock on wood 16’s are getting to be too loose as well.. I my friends….am now in a size 14. I feel SO proud. I was terrified to put on this pair of jeans cuz I know the dissapointment and depression that number has caused me in the past. But when I put those pants on and the waist was STILL loose..I am in shock! Granted I have a lot of fat and flab to get rid of but I’m getting there..sloooooooowly but surely….perhaps one day I will really be there.. I will be able to look good..and feel good without any draw backs. I will be able to truly feel like I look good, for the love of my life, and truly know in my heart that she loves what she sees… one step at a time!

Damn it all to fricken GRR. The spam comments are coming back. I will be fixing that crap asap! Grrrrrrrrrrr

Say no to spam!

So…I was thinking I needed to make a new blog entry but…I don’t really have anything to say…

I am trying to wake up and waiting for this horrid headache to go away. I have GOT to find a better job. My job has now become the source of the majority of my headaches. When I think of 4pm I get sick feelings in my stomach. I can think of multiple horrid things I’d rather do than walk through that gate and endure another night of hell. It’s just a job…It’s just a job…it’s not worth giving me anxiety attacks and making me feel utter dread every day…but alas it is…I need a better job.. Anything has got to be better right? Kris and I bought bikes the other day. So I sorta have transportation again, I rode my bike to work last night. It was nice to get home in under 5 minutes, tho it’s a workout. But I was anxious to get home. I am going to either ride or walk to the grocery store and see if they are hiring. Now I am not actually wanting a grocery store job but it has got to be better than working 4 hrs per day on a school site that no matter what you do..they are never satisfied. I feel like they are trying to push my buttons so that I will quit and guess what? It’s working. I need… WANT a full time job.. I need benefits. My eye is getting worse and I am sooo overdue for an eye exam. I am almost a year over due now. I can feel my eye is suffering the conciquences of my negligence and I can’t afford to go much longer without getting things checked, I know I’m gonna need a new prescrip. for my glasses. I have been changing out reading glasses like crazy cuz my eye is so unstable right now. Ugh…. So I had nothing really GOOD to say in a blog entry…..

Oh something sparked my interest.. Over at Lavish there is a thread regarding the blogs we’ve been visiting the longest and now I’m curious. How many still read this..and have been since like eons ago back in ummm 2003 or 2004? I shuffled my site and relocated back and forth between here and other domains so much that I think I lost the few regular visitors that I had before. And then that makes me think of the Province days. The days of comment fishing. But I met a lot of people that way, and had managed to interest a few people. Now times have changed.. my content has changed..so I dunno who is lingering around and who isn’t. Not that it really matters much I guess.. in the end this is for me and me alone..and oh my Kris’ cat is meowing LOUDLY and totally threw off my train of thought so wtf was I saying? Oh well……………….He is not happy…. her mom is out of town on vacation so we brought him over here so that he wouldn’t be alone..and since we can’t go over every day to check on him..and he has made it very clear that this is not working for him. So I think we’re taking him back home over the weekend.

Oh ya know what’s awesome? Getting a call from someone who I used to be extremely best friends with outta the blue cuz she wanted to share events of her exciting night with me. She called last night extremely happy because she had made out with a guy friend of hers and she was very giddy. That is THE word to describe her.. but I had not talked on the phone with her in a long time, we only recently got back in touch with each other via email, so it was like the old days when we’d talk on the phone for hours on end, I’ve really missed that! I miss her! Totally took me back to like 10 or so years ago tho when we’d share the events of our day whether good or bad and just could totally talk for soooooo long without a break. After a very bad night at work, it was perfect timing

Ok I guess I’ve rambled enough.. At least I’ve now completed an actual entry! lol Even if its a bunch of mumbles.. its better than nothing eh? eh! yeah! Later taterz

Kris will be here in just a matter of hours! I wish I didn’t have to go to work, but when I get home she’ll be here!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *dancing and running around happily*